I’m failing, teacher.

Draped in honesty and dressed in dignity for years, you saw how I strutted through the streets of darkness, assaulting my fears with sword of determination and Tawaqul in Allah, dear teacher. There are teachers who work assiduously to establish a consonant practice and yields great consistency and a clear-cut notion of center standards, you were one of those teachers. You taught some lessons like no other could ever do. You made me learn how to blind hopelessness (mayoosi) with faith (tawaqqul) in Allah (S.W.T) and to be at peace handing over all your matters to Him and wait paitiently to see the tables turning, transformation of all the hardships into ease. I remember every lesson you taught me so vividly and dearly. Oh my teacher, I never intended to fail you and make you bow your head in shame.

Your gentleness towards others even to those who were harsh on you always prompted me to be as gentle as i could. Your every trait inspired me hence aspiring me to follow your ways. You left me all alone in a world that I can not think I can excel in without you. I wish you stayed little longer with me to hold my hand and guide me like a little child who knows nothing and relish your presence around me like a child relishes on last piece of candy.

Nothing and no one can fill the void teacher. Since you left, I’ve never came across anyone as genuine, kind, justful, sympathetic and truthful like you were. You were indeed an epitome of grace and greatness my teacher.

I wish I could tell you how deperately I want your assistance and support today, need you to hold my hand and pat on my shoulder to tell me that I am doing okay and one day I will rise and shine again as I did before among all the other kids from other leagues that clearly are aiming at making me belief that I’d never make it?!?!

I guide myself, letting my own intellect dictate the ways you thought and acted, but i quiver with low self esteem, my attire falls to tatters and structure of my frailing faith shatters in hunderds of unmendable broken pieces, Sir.

I trailed to ones I considered my saviours, from whom I’d first sought to escape. That is where the downfall began I tell you. I couldn’t stop them from leading me astray. I neglected your teachings and let those presumed saviours intimidate me.

It pains me to tell you that I’ve never gotten up since.

The thought of you not looking at me in dismay and bowing your head to shake it in disappointment, that I failed you, crushes me. For I’m in extremely confunded and despicable condition, teacher.

I understood that no one can stand up and fight for me like you did even in your weakest of times.Your love for me truly was unconditional and pure.

I am so Sorry that I’m failing. Failing badly, my teacher. But, I promise next time I will try to write to you happily making you hold your head high with pride than bowing with shame, Insha’ Allah! As I am told, efforts are appreciated and are what that are counted. So I will keep getting up and try to stand tall everytime I fall, oh my beloved teacher , “Mohammad (pbuh)”.

All my love,

Your failing Ummah


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